I Hate The Suzuki Swift

There are several types of annoying driver you'll encounter on British roads, including me. In no particular order, they are:

Drivers of big German cars with no indicators, presumably they come as an extra.
Drivers of cars with the Icthus fish symbol on the back who seem to place their faith in Jesus rather than the highway code.
17 year old drivers of stupidly souped up Novas, Corsa, AXes or Saxos who probably won't live to be 18.
Rover drivers who seem to be suffering from some sort of senile dementia while driving (that's me)

But worst than all of these are Suzuki Swift drivers and their horrid little cars.

First of all, the Suzuki Swift is an ugly car that first erupted from the pustulent boil of Suzuki's design studios back in the early 1990s. It's a hideously bland hatchback with no redeeming stylistic features whatsoever. It's also incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to drive. What's amazing is that you can still buy a Suzuki Swift from a dealer, but it's not something that they, or Suzuki, advertise. It's strictly an brown-paper-bag transaction like buying industrial strength haemorrhoid cream. It's a very, very cheap car to buy (since no-one wants one) and very cheap to insure.

Which brings us to the second point. Suzuki Swift drivers are about the worst drivers in the world. They never indicate, have no road sense, don't look where they're going, can't park, can't navigate, can't drive at a consistent speed and basically shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car. They have to drive a Suzuki Swift because they've written off so many other cars, it's the only thing they can afford insurance for.

Driving a Suzuki Swift is basically like saying "I am a loser". Of course, as a Rover driver I am merely saying "I am a premature Old Age Pensioner" which is much better.